Friends

I was just talking to alan... well... still am... but technically it's im'ing. and i was talking about who i was going to get presents for... and it turned out i was only getting them for my friends. I am actually pretty guarded about who are my "friends" and who i just hang out with. Let's see: friends: David, Carrie, Alan, Rachel, Daniel, Stewart, Sarah (Declerk), Dora, Justin, Rusty... I think that's it: and that was in no particular order, just the order they popped into my head. I have a total of 10 friends. omg. However, I hang out with... who knows how many ppl? But they're just fun to hang out with: to me: friends are something a bit more.

I don't know: friends are people I can talk to, people who have the same values as me, the same likes and dislikes, the same goals in life. I don't mean specifics here, but people who want to go somewhere, do something, whether it's as little as adopting a 3rd world child (which is actually pretty big) or wanting to be president, or wanting to find a way to cure AIDS. People who live in the here and now, don't worry about the past, don't care about the future, annoy me. Why be on earth if not to make a difference, or at least, try to? And why live your life if you have no goals? No ideas of where you want to go next? They seem to be wasting their time, and I don't waste my time on people who waste theirs. It all seems so futile to me.

As to talking to friends: I admit, I only actually talk to about 4 or 5 out of those ten. There's only one I talk to about absolutely everything. That's Carrie. Or, at least I talk to her about all the things that can be put into words. After that, it's probably David. Then Rachel, and Stew, and Alan. Sarah I talk to every once in a while, when I think her unique input is what I need. Justin... i don't really talk to him about a ton of stuff anymore: when we do talk. Dora... we've come so far... and also drifted so far. But she was my first best friend and was for years... still is up there, though now I don't classify ppl as "best" friend, or "2nd best" friend. Rusty... I would talk to him about somewhere between David and Rachel, Stew, and Alan. If i talked to him. That would help.

Also- friends are people who would be there for me. The druggies are more in the here and now, and if it is fucking with you, forget about with the help of weed and other stuff. That doesn't solve problems: it just postpones when you deal with them.

In any case: I would like to say thankyou to those special people who get the honor of being called my friends. And congratulations: you won't be one of the many people I tortuously and mercilessly kill when i take over the world.