thanx ari

this is a quote from my friend ari- it can be found on her blog, newari.blogspot.com . but it is how i am feeling right now...

I'm tired of the insecurity when people claim to be in 'love'. That word is a bother to me for some reason. It makes me want to crawl up and over a wall and rest over on the other side while everyone else is over on the opposite wall obsessing over something that isn't as good. This concept called 'love'. Pleh...

But you know -- It's funny. You meet someone else and you've seemed to crawl onto that ignorant side of the wall again in your sleep. How?! No one seems to ever be able to wake up when this happens. They don't see it coming until one day -- BOOM. It hits them like a sack of bricks and they are unconscious to everthing around them. You don't need a test or a quiz - hell, a poem or a quote to know if you are in love. All you know is that you are now, AGAIN, on that side of the wall you don't want to be on.

The side of the wall you like is full of security: The security of life.You don't get all of the benifits on only one side of the wall. So you have two choices:-----You can break down the wall,-----Or you can sit on top of the wall and converse from there.

Breaking down the wall would require change - major change in yourself and in your self-esteem though it would hurt you if you built it back up again. You wouldn't notice it again the next time.

You could also sit on top of the wall, but where does that get you? You can't travel forward nor back and you still have that doubt stuck in all of your thoughts. And your love? Your 'love' is selfishness - though you don't even admit this fact to yourself. You are ashamed of it.Don't worry, I am ashamed too, though I am trying to break down the wall. It seems like the best option. I think I am sitting on top of the wall but making my way to the ground to go and get that wrecking ball.